Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
