another moral hangover. fuck.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
