And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
