guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
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