Welp...herpes.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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