matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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