Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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