Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Drunk is not a location!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
