who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
