I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
