it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize