The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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