Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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