what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize