Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You pole danced in your parka.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
