Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
