I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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