I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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