Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
