I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
