It's like God shit irony all over that family
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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