so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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