worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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