How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
