Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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