It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
