Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
