I think I died a long time ago.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I see more hoeing in ur future
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