She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
