My room smells like vodka and shame
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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