I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
