i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
