I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
