and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
