First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize