i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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