So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
