Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
