you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
