Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
