Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she pinky promised me she was 18
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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