beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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