I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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