dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
