Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
