I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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