Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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