Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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