do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
