My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
All I want is dick and wine.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
