I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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