I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
