You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dignity is for republicans.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
