David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
