There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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