Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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