Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
