i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
