allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
