I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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