textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
did you just send me my own nude
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
