he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize