Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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