At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
