Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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