Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
