I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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