I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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