On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
