I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
