in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
