would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We need a shit load of segways right now
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Come share oat with me in your robe
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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