Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
